As a nanny and student of childcare you will have favourite books that you consult for ideas or for checking up on facts in your work with children and families. But what if your employer has their own favourite childcare guide and wants you to follow it?
You might have already guessed that parents have a preference for how you should deal with their children's behaviour and routines, but they are not saying it in so many words. Some detective work on the book shelf may help you discover what they would like you to do and decide how far you feel in tune with it.
CARE ROUTINES
There is a range of tomes all aiming to cover all aspects of baby and childcare. It is worth asking if your employer has a favourite. It is also reassuring for parents to know you are keen to understand what they would like for their child. Of course they need to trust your own knowledge, but they also need to think of you as working in partnership with them.
You and your employers are more at risk of a parting of the ways if they are keen on a very specific approach. One possibility these days is the return to firm schedules laid down by Gina Ford in The (New) Contented Little Baby Book: the secret to calm and confident parenting (Vermilion, 9.99). Gina Ford is not the only writer to react against the loss of baby routines that came with the more extreme versions of demand feeding during the 1970s and 80s. It is worth recalling that that loosening up was, in its turn, a reaction against the rigid by-the-clock routines that were promoted through the 1940s and 50s.
Gina Ford lays out very specific timings and requirements for action. As a nanny you might feel over-directed, if parents handed you the book and said 'get on with it'. However, if a family is committed to clear-cut routines, it would be wise to see how far you can reach a compromise. Babies and young toddlers benefit from having a predictable and friendly routine to their day, but you could well find that getting out and about appropriately with a baby to be tough against the uncompromising clock-watching advocated in this book.
If parents are expecting a second baby and plan a repeat of the Gina Ford timetable, you will certainly need to discuss it with them. Toddlers who have become an older sibling, rather than an only child, may be very put out to find that their entire day now has to revolve around the new baby.
Crying is a fact of life with new babies, and nannies often have to sound out the parents to learn how they view this inevitable occurrence. Are they keen that you pick them up at the first whimper, or do they worry about spoiling a child with so much cuddling? A relaxed approach is advocated by Deborah Jackson in When Your Baby Cries: ten rules for soothing fretful babies and their parents (Hodder Mobius, 6.99). This writer, in the popular book Three in a Bed, has also promoted bed sharing with babies, not only as a way to deal with night waking, but as part of building the essential early attachment between baby and parents. But nannies will be aware of the cautious warnings about taking babies into bed with you, whether as a parent or a live-in nanny.
Deborah Jackson has practical suggestions that a parent may pass on to you, or which you may already be putting into practice. Fretful babies may be best carried around, close to your body, and many babies show benefits from having regular massage. It is important that any infant massage is done with care. You will find useful tips in The Little Book of Baby Massage by Pauline Carpenter and Lorraine Tolley (Ditto International, 5.99).
BEHAVIOUR ADVICE
Babyhood passes fast and nannies have to deal in a positive way with the usual hiccups as children's behaviour develops. Of course, you need to know a family's house rules. But they may also have clear views about how they want their children to behave and how you should help them in that direction.
Sweeping statements about the younger generation tend to be inaccurate, whenever they are said. But today there is certainly a lot of concern about how to teach considerate and polite behaviour, without turning into a tyrant. Penny Palmano takes the stance that manners, courtesy and respect are important. Her advice in Yes, please. Thanks! (Panic Publications, 8.95) is consistent with the positive approach to behaviour practised in nursery or pre-school, with the advantage for nannies that her examples are all family-based.
You and the family should be able to work together well if they have this book on the shelf. Just take a deep breath when you come to the section on 'Teaching your nanny how to bring up children'. Penny Palmano admits to using the word 'nanny' as a catch-all for anyone who shares the childcare at home. But she writes with the assumption that 'nannies' have to be clearly directed, otherwise they are likely to let children eat unsuitable food and watch hours of television. Try not to be personally insulted - just turn back to the rest of the book!
You may at some stage find yourself working for a family who give you permission to hit their children - although they are likely to use the word 'smack'. Take a look in the index of parenting books and you will find authors who give only a qualified 'don't do it'.
Christopher Green, for example, in New Toddler Taming: a parent's guide to the first four years (Vermilion, 12.99) suggests that parents avoid smacking if possible. But then he has a section headed 'Smacking used correctly'. It is interesting that in his book about older children (Beyond toddlerdom: keeping five- to twelve-year-olds on the rails, Vermilion, 9.99), Dr Green says that 'school-age children should not be smacked'. Why do you think this popular writer and paediatrician makes the age distinction? You can see why as a nanny you have to be ready to explain to parents the reasons why you are not willing to hit their children.
SPENDING THE DAY
Good practice as a nanny includes the time spent talking and listening with children, starting with the youngest babies. Some books offer ways to make the most of conversations, or acknowledge that some parents underestimate how much young children benefit from simple interaction.
For example, Sally Ward in Baby Talk (Century, 14.99) developed a practical programme to encourage parents to spend a regular daily time in social interaction with young children. As a speech and language specialist, the late Dr Ward offered some good ideas, although you may want to reassure parents that you use conversation effectively throughout the day, rather than needing a timed special session.
Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn highlighted the importance of gesture in Baby Signs: how to talk with your baby before your baby can talk (Vermilion, Pounds 12.99). Babies and toddlers benefit from adults who are responsive to a baby's own symbolic gestures as well as being generous themselves in non-verbal communication. The idea has expanded into baby signing programmes, and you may work for a family who wishes you to join them in this approach. Take time to understand what is wanted, but support parents if they have been made to feel they have to be trained to communicate with their baby. Also make sure they understand that signing co-exists with verbal communication.
Lastly, there are many books on the shelf about activities to do with babies and young children. Parents should feel confident that you yourself are a source of ideas. But do not feel offended if they hand you a favourite book about art or cookery for children - any more than if a parent suggested you try out a local pottery session. They're unlikely to be as controversial as anything about care routines or behaviour!
