Q I've got a daughter of two and a half who is very jealous of our new baby.
She was so excited about the birth but, now that the novelty has worn off, she treats him roughly and is deliberately difficult when I'm feeding. What shall I do?
A It sounds as if your daughter, who is still very young, has now realised what life with a new baby brother is really like.
Try to find ways to show her how much you appreciate her being a 'big girl'. It's no fun being a 'big girl' if people mainly expect you to be patient and put up with visitors admiring the little interloper, but she will feel special if you show her how she can do things that are impossible for the baby to do.
It will be hard with a new baby, but do your best to make time just for you and your daughter - perhaps when the baby is napping. Do any activity that she enjoys and show how much you like her company or her helping around the home, and admire what she can do.
You cannot let your daughter treat her brother roughly, but she will have only a limited idea of how to be gentle. Two- to three-year-olds do sometimes treat babies like an old teddy. You can say, 'Don't pull his arm, it will hurt him', but also look for a chance to say, 'That's the way, see, he's smiling at you'. Perhaps you could go on to recall, 'I remember your very first smile. It made me so happy.'
Your daughter probably plays up at feeding time because you are so absorbed with the baby then. Can you organise feeding so that she can be near? If you are breastfeeding, it would be possible to sit with your daughter on a wide chair or sofa and read her a book at the same time. If you are bottle-feeding, it may be her who has to hold the book, but a close and relaxed time for the two of you can be possible.
