Q) Two four-year-olds in our nursery have been very close friends since they started together. Something serious has happened within the past couple of weeks - we do not know what - and they are now avoiding each other. We did not rush to intervene because children often sort out their own troubles.
But one child looks especially unhappy and her mother has raised the situation with us. Her view is that we should tell the other child to play with her daughter again, or else she is going to tackle the child and his parents. Naturally we are not willing to lay down the law in this way, but it looks as if the children do need help.
A) I support adults who take time to watch and listen, rather than charge in with instructions to 'be nice'. Unless you are informed about what has happened between children, you cannot be effective in supporting them to resolve difficulties. It is unlikely to help if this mother gets involved in the way she suggests, although one can sympathise with her concerns about her daughter's distress.
A possibility would be to have a confidential word first with the girl. You could say, 'You and Ben used to play together such a lot, but not now. And you often have an unhappy face. Has something happened?' What you then say or do will need to follow from what she chooses to tell you. If the children have had an argument, you could offer to help them talk and resolve the problem. Since the children are of opposite sex it is possible that the boy has been teased by peers for playing with a girl. If this is the case, nothing will be gained by insisting that he play with her, but it would be appropriate to talk a little with him about her feelings.
