It is not long since the festivities of Christmas, yet how many of the toys that children received as gifts are now at the back of the cupboard? This current generation of children is as likely as their predecessors to get bored and abandon a toy that looked attractive in the advert, but has limited interest below its surface attractions or what pushing the buttons will deliver. The advice to 'throw away the toy and give them the box' has been around for some time now - children may well play longer with interesting packaging that offers scope for busy fingers and imaginative pretend play, than with the packaging's contents.
But today's children, far more than previous generations, are aggressively targeted as consumers, through the cynical aim of 'pester power': that every child will demand to have this toy, game, or set that 'only costs...'
The result can be an emotional wind-up that exhausts adults as well as children.
Not every nanny will work with a family that celebrates Christmas, but other world faiths also have celebrations that involve an exchange of gifts. Occasions like Divali, Eid-ul-Fitr or Chinese New Year all encompass the possibility of gifts, as well as serious amounts of cooking by somebody in the family! Presents are also an issue for children's birthdays. Parents and family members can feel as if the pressure to give things never lets up.
As a nanny you can draw on your professional understanding to challenge the play value of some toys, especially those that leave little room for the working of a child's own imagination. Perhaps yet another electronic model or computer game leaves you inwardly groaning, because you will have to restrict its owner to sensible limits on 'screen time'. It can be a sensitive part of a nanny's role to offer some input about kinds of play resources and yet show respect for children's genuine interests and choices. For example: D Yvette, who is nanny to two-year-old Leela and four-year-old Annop, finds herself caught in the middle. The children's parents both work long hours and Yvette suspects they are trying to make up for limited time with Leela and Annop by showing extra generosity at Divali and birthdays. The father travels a great deal on business and is greeted by both children on his return with, 'What have you brought us?' Yvette decides that it is not her role to tell the parents to cut back on the gifts, but she is concerned about the consequences for the children.
D Darren, who works as nanny to four-year-old Sam and six-year-old Gareth, is faced with a different dilemma. The parents offer non-stop funds for the boys to add to an endless set of collectibles. Little figures and accessories are pushed aside as soon as the new set is marketed. On the other hand, the boys' grandmother, who lives with the family, dismisses the collectibles as 'rubbish'. She feels hurt that the boys are not grateful for the books and traditional toys she chooses to give them.
Of course, no nanny or parent is likely to start delivering lectures about how back in their day, all they had to play with was one wooden spoon and a cardboard box, and they had to share that with ten other children! But you can support the children and family in many realistic ways.
First, ensure that you help even younger children to take care of all their toys, books and other possessions. It is not wise to let children assume that there will always be more, so why should they bother to find the piece of lost jigsaw or the utensils that go with the saucepan set? The advantage of a simple storage system is that you and the children see that they have, say, an excellent collection of interlocking construction materials and play people. The potential will not be obvious when bits are just thrown into several all-purpose baskets. Organised storage will clear some space and free the children to enjoy some earnest building. Be a playful companion, ready to admire the construction and join in the pretend play.
You could even document their creations by taking photos and labelling them.
A well-informed nanny will know that some electronic toys and 'educational'
computer games are not, in fact, the best way to promote children's learning. Children need plenty of lively physical activity beyond the thumb exercises provided by the control mechanisms. Reach an agreement with parents about how long children can spend on any kind of screen time, and call a firm but friendly halt at that point. Offer them other play experiences, games or outings, with you as a playmate, and not just someone ordering 'stop now!'.
Some electronic toys and pads could have a more useful play life once they are built into the control console of a pretend spaceship. A wise nanny also observes just which features of a sedentary screen resource actually engage a child. Then you can offer alternative real-life, direct experiences - building a pretend house; sorting actual items into size, types or any feature that interests the child; building a real obstacle course or mini-maze in the garden, rather than negotiating a virtual one on a screen.
To recall our case study, It is not for Darren to intervene in extended family life, however much he might think the boys' grandmother shouldn't be rude about their preferences. However, Darren can look for opportunities to make the most of her recent gifts. The boys might try out the painting materials if Darren looks enthused about them, and they have shown some interest in illustrations from the book about sea creatures. Also, Darren wants to show respect for Sam and Gareth's collection of model figures and extend their play with this resource. Currently, the boys seem to be more inclined to nag their parents to buy the next wave in the collectible set than to play with the figures and accessories they already have. Darren has a good working relationship with the boys' parents and suggests it is time they were given a weekly allowance. The boys will use this money for any purchases between birthdays and Christmas time. Sam and Gareth are keen to have the new base station for their collection, which will take them many weeks of saving. So Darren suggests that they build an extension to the existing base. A long-term project starts, with the work secure on a large piece of hardboard.
With some organisation to children's play resources, you are likely to make a better judgement about those that have genuinely outlived their usefulness. It has to be the children's decision to let them go; it is not all right for adults to arrive with a bin bag and take stuff away.
Occasionally, it may be possible for children to sell toys in good condition on a stall at the school fete or perhaps to another family through the local nanny or family network. Otherwise, children can, with you, take unwanted toys or books in good condition to donate to a charity shop.
Yvette can see that Leela and Annop are interested in most of their toys.
They have quite a few, but their parents have built up good-quality resources like their wooden farm and animals and some well-made dressing-up outfits. Yvette tells her employers that she would like to get the children to learn they do not have to own everything. She suggests that instead of putting up more shelves, they could hold back on buying every book or DVD the children show the slightest interest in. Yvette makes a visit to the library a regular part of the week and the children start to get in the habit of borrowing a book, music CD or film. Persistently firm favourites then go on the children's wish list for Divali and birthdays.
Yvette has a good relationship with her employers and feels able to suggest that the children's father might use his travels to bring back a children's book from another country, rather than toys from the airport that can be bought anywhere. She also suggests simple items of clothing, like hats or wraps, that could join the more flexible dressing up basket she is busy creating with Leela and Annop. Yvette also introduces the idea of 'what we're going to make for Daddy as a welcome home' - this could be baking a treat or making a special painting. Both parents are sometimes greeted with a photo showing 'where we went today, and we want to take you there soon'.
Finally, it makes sense for you to work with the family to alert children to the pressures of advertising. It is not really the children's fault if they start to develop a 'but I want it!' outlook. It is up to the important adults in their lives to set boundaries.
