Q We have a problem with swearing by a nearly four-year- old who is new to our playgroup. His conversation is peppered with rude words and he doesn't seem to distinguish between those words and any others. Certainly we don't feel that he is trying to upset people. We spoke with his father to air the problem. It quickly became clear how this boy learned his robust language! His father uses swear words as a normal part of conversation. It surprised us because he is a well-spoken, professional man. The boy's father told us we were over-reacting and that 'they are just words'. We cannot agree with him.
A In recent years, swearing has become widespread. It is certainly not limited to a particular social class or to disadvantaged neighbourhoods.
Some organisations and areas of work have developed a sub-culture in which even the more serious swear words are used as just another adjective. I agree that we do not want to encourage this particular use of language for children.
You can pick up on the swearing without making this boy feel he has deliberately done something wrong. Depending on the context of the conversation, you could say to him, 'That is a rude word and we don't use it in playgroup'. Be ready to answer the fair question, 'Why?', with a simple explanation like, 'We think it's a rude way to talk about how grown-ups make babies' or, 'If we talk about going to the toilet, we'd rather use the word "poo".' You can model alternatives to using swear words in times of stress, such as 'I know your Daddy says ... but if I bang my toe, I prefer to say, "Rats!"'
You need to have another conversation with the father. Let him know that while it is up to him what he does in his own home, you do not ignore swearing at playgroup. Explain briefly what you are doing.
