The mention of the Tiger Mother is rarely well received – responses vary from a slight shudder to total horror. The highly disciplinarian approach to child-rearing first came to the fore five years ago in Yale law professor Amy Chua’s memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011). Chua was derided in the British media. She was criticised not only for putting too much pressure on her children, but some psychologists went as far as saying that the methods amounted to child abuse.
Shortly after its publication, having received incredibly bad press and Chua having been issued with multiple death threats, Michael Gove, then Secretary of State for Education, said that he was ‘all for Tiger Mums’.
The term made headlines again earlier this year when David Cameron, as part of his clampdown on poverty, said he wanted every teacher to be a Tiger Mother.
‘No matter how clever you are,’ he said, ‘if you do not believe in continued hard work and concentration, and if you do not believe that you can return from failure, you will not fulfil your potential. It is what the Tiger Mother’s battle hymn is all about: work, try hard, believe you can succeed, get up and try again.’
While this might seem unobjectionable, it is difficult to see how Cameron deduced it from reading Chua’s book. The entire emphasis of her Tiger Mum is, very emphatically, not one of trying and effort, but one of attainment and achievement. These are two very different things.
In her memoir, Chua gives an account of how she, a mother with her own career, ambitiously raised her two daughters on a strict and crammed daily regime of academic and musical activities. One of the reference points throughout her work is what she describes as ‘Chinese mothering’: an approach Chua says is influenced by South, South-East and East Asia. The parenting methods she advocates, Chua considers to stand in opposition to those used in the US and Britain, which she regards as far too lax.
The basic premise underlying the ideology and practice of a Tiger Mum is the understanding that childhood is an intense period of preparation for the future – it is a time to train one’s offspring, to build their character and, in doing so, invest in the future.
In order to achieve this, it is vital to administer a strict and rigid routine: in the Chua household, as well as the rigorous academic staples, this included three hours of instrument practice daily. Indeed, not just practice, but accomplished practice. For Chua, ‘the solution to substandard performances is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child’. Chua shamelessly describes her harsh words and threats to her children when they did not attain the standards she expected.
It is interesting that it is a Tiger Mum and not Tiger Dad. The term connotes a woman who is voracious for her children, like a predator on the prowl. Maybe dad can afford to take a more easy-going approach knowing that mum is so eager? She, however, is derided for her harshness – it seems that Tiger Mum is yet another term of disparagement for women.
DRIVE AND AMBITION
As with most ideologies, over time different versions of the Tiger Mum have developed – less orthodox editions have been produced. Since the publication of Chua’s book five years ago, a more acceptable face of the Tiger Mum seems to have emerged. This is the parent whose drive and ambitions for their child involve an extensive diet of extra-curricular activities generally with the intention of providing them with the best opportunities to enable their success.
It is perhaps this sort of Tiger Mum who is applauded by the Prime Minister, more of a traditional ‘pushy parent’ who wants the best for their child than a savage beast prepared to call her child ‘garbage’ for failing to achieve, as Chua did.
While this approach can be criticised or even sneered at, it is worth noting that children who attend private schools have such offerings in their ordinary timetable. They do not need to be driven from one activity to the next by pushy parents: it is all part of the package. Maybe it could be said, then, that those children in private schools have an in-house Tiger Mum? Their parents have outsourced the role of the Tiger Mum.
It is all too easy to criticise the pushy parent. Putting criticisms aside for a moment, they have aspirations for their child: we may consider them to be misdirected, but they are still there.
Oliver James, the psychologist and author who writes and speaks extensively about the nature vs nurture debate, is clearly not in favour of the Tiger Mum approach. But he does emphasise that parents need to have aspirations for their children, and argues that, ‘a child whose parents have none is emotionally neglected’.
James goes on to say that, ‘if they are going to be an emotionally healthy exceptional achiever it must come authentically from them’. For James, the best way of encouraging children to reach their full potential is to ‘nurture their interest gently’ (The Guardian, 2016).
Similarly, Helen Pearson deduces from her extensive research that parental ambition is essential to a child’s success. In her book, The Life Project: The Extraordinary Story of our Ordinary Lives, she discusses the longest-running study of human development in the world, encompassing five generations of British children.
Pearson reflects on why some participants experienced success in their lives, and others did not. Having found that children born into disadvantage and poverty had much worse life chances overall, she considers why some of those in the ‘Born to Fail’ group did not fail – why they had a more successful life.
The main determining factor for this was parental ambition – they had parents who were aspirational for them and who wanted them to succeed. These children were able to move away from the more difficult course of life that they might otherwise have had.
VALUABLE EXPERIENCES
As educators of young children, we have to concern ourselves with the question of success which is, of course, linked to aspiration. Working with children in the early years, it can be particularly noticeable that while some children experience a rich home life full of valuable experiences, others do not.
Some children will be provided with one thing after another but not find it enriching, and others, for a whole array of often unavoidable reasons, do not have much going on at all in terms of enrichment. Not all children will have high aspirations and expectations. So, we need to assess what each child needs in order to find and nurture – maybe gently nurture in line with Oliver James – their interests.
It may entail being, at times, a bit of a Tiger Mum or pushy parent – providing a range of enriching activities in order to extend children’s life experience and expose them to new ideas and creativity. Sometimes every child needs a step up. On the other hand, sometimes children may need an antidote to the pushy parenting. They need time to develop ideas about their own preferences.
Parents want the best for their children. But some may need help and guidance from early years practitioners in creating aspirations for their children. That is not to say that we should have a list of them – it is not so much the content of the aspirations that is significant, but the process of having them.
Encouraging parents to engage with their child’s development and have hopes and expectations for them is what is key – whatever these may be – as well as giving the child permission to decide what comes authentically from them.
While we may oppose coercion as an ideology and strongly disagree with the hymn and ferocity of the Tiger Mum, wanting children to attain a valuable place in the world cannot be derided. Surely, it is our role as educators to nurture and encourage this in the best way we can and as much as we can?
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