Nursery World - Positive Relationships: Behaviour

How should you respond when a boy takes to dressing up as a girl? Sue Chambers offers advice.

In our nursery, we have a four-year-old boy who likes to dress up as a girl, usually in something pink and sparkly, and plays mainly with girls. He often comes to nursery wearing his mum's nail varnish. We have tried telling him he's a boy and encouraged him to play more with boys but it hasn't worked. How should we respond?

I have to start by asking you if you would be worried if one of the girls in your nursery preferred playing football with the boys than playing with dolls. The next question is: are you concerned that by allowing him to dress in girls' dressing-up clothes and play with girls you are 'encouraging' him to be gay? It would be very simplistic to think that you could either 'encourage' or stop a child from becoming gay just by regulating the toys he plays with or the clothes he wears.

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